SheVibe Magazine - Hitting Below the Bible Belt

Monday, 18 June 2007 17:22

Sex, politics, religion, motherhood...you get the picture. Our mission is to perhaps teach you something you didn't already know and encourage conversation amongst free thinking SheViber's, while we still have the right to do so. You may not always agree and that's cool. If you find yourself pissed or impassioned when you are done reading then we'll take that as a good sign. If you have an article or opinion you would like to share we would love to hear what's on your mind, so drop us a line at The Clitoral Truth.

Snipe is caught in an extremely compromising position!

"I don't think holiness is compatible with intelligence"

- Robert Escarpit/Open Letter to God

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

- Voltaire / 1694-1778

Not to be outdone by the recent sexcapades of right wing political and bible thumping ne'er do wells; Reverend Snipe, an occasional contributor to SheVibe, finds himself embroiled in his very own, very personal scandal. On Friday, November 24th, it appears that Reverend Snipe allegedly chose to give thanks in a rather unique way. Operating on a tip from the VibeTribe, radical reporter Lara Logan tracked Snipe to a seedy hotel in the well-known Trinidad neighborhood of D.C. Posing as a hotel staff member, Logan was able to enter the room with her cameraman and snap Snipe in an extremely compromising position with junior aide, Nyish Sullaph, a foreign exchange student who came to the U.S. in the mid 90's. Snipe declined to elaborate on the situation, ordering Logan out of the room and threatening to call the police. Attempts to reach Snipe have been unsuccessful and it is believed that he is in hiding; conferring with his advisors as to how the spin on this situation should be handled.

Reverend Snipe is a minister to thousands of Fundamentalists in the Church for the New Millennium, a ministry spearheaded by Snipe in the late 90's. He is well known for his absolutist interpretation of the King James Bible and a "zero tolerance" stance on homosexuality, abortion, women's rights, equal rights and hot dogs. His is not the voice you would readily expect to hear in a publication such as SheVibe, but in the spirit of fairness and the desire to understand our opponent's arguments, we welcome all opinions.

His recent sermon on the evils of the ordinary hot dog (see October/November issues) prompted an outrage amongst SheViber's across the country. Though the Reverends ranting may be incendiary, we believe in giving a voice to all comers whether it is a shared viewpoint or not. Being pissed off or impassioned gives life to opinions and arguments that otherwise may have been left unheard. It is in this vein of open mindedness that we shall continue to offer Reverend Snipe a voice within SheVibe, should he choose to come out of hiding.

The actions of Snipe and his peers have left us, shall we say, a little surprised, deliciously shocked and mildly amused. After all, it isn't everyday that us drooling, depraved, "anal fisting liberals" (a la Ann Coulter) get to revel in the hypocrisy that has gripped this nation for years. Most recently there has been the gay male escort/meth aficionado Ted Haggard scandal. Both sides of the issue are taking vastly different stances. There are the Christians who believe that it was bad enough Haggard may have done drugs, but holy flippin' hurt me, he actually had sex with a man!

To quote Christian Post Guest Columnist Greg Stier: "All I know is this, either way the name of Christ is being dragged through the mud. One of the most influential Christians on the planet has been accused of a lot and has admitted to some. If the purchase of drugs was all that happened then that's bad enough. If drugs were taken then it's worse yet. If homosexual sex was involved then that's simply horrible." And then there are the rest of us who just wanted to know if he was a top or a bottom.

Of course no expose would be complete without giving a nod to Mark Foley, who by co-chairing the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus and backing legislation to crack down on online predators and criminalize child pornography on the Internet, gave us hypocrisy fodder for years to come. (1)

And then there are the gold members of the good ol' boys club, whose roll call reads as a Who's Who for two faced Republicans: Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, Trent Lott, Ken Starr and Joe McCarthy, the list is perhaps endless. (2)

All of these men represented themselves as good Christians who wanted nothing for themselves - just a good clean America for everyone else. Every single one of them lied, cheated and stole from Americans in one way or another, all the while smiling and clutching a bible. It is not our contention that all Christians are lying, cheating sheep fuckers, it is the double standard they are forced to spew at the rest of us that is so disturbing.

SheVibe would like to point out that homosexuality is not a crime and by many standards, neither is just plain old cheating on your spouse. Our mouths drop open when people in public positions espouse such intolerance for the very acts they are committing. Stop criminalizing human nature! Talk about safe sex and natural sexual urges. Talk about compassion. Talk about tolerance and understanding for all races, religions and sexual orientations. Talk about solutions to real problems such as global warming and the Wal-Mart mafia. But please, stop talking about banning gay marriage, seeing us burn in hell or making laws against the freaky shit people do in private, especially when you indulge!